No it does not just happen, there is a lot going on in your life, kids, work, in-laws, bills and all that stuff we call life. It can seem so overwhelming and by the time you crawl into bed you are worn out and tired. The Last thing you want to do is get active. Well should I say you want to but you just can’t quite find the energy to share in a physical activity.
Recently an older gentleman realized how he had failed his wife in this area of intimacy. And wondered if he could get her to fall in love with him again. I told him I had no doubt he would be able to bring her feelings of love. However, if she had not already given her heart to some on else. And told him about the Book Rekindled.
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. Your anointing oils are fragrant, your name is oil poured out; therefore the virgins love you. Draw me after you, let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers.Song of Songs 1: 2-4
Don’t Forget the Romance
Send your spouse a card in the mail. Make it a habit so that your spouse gets one regularly. Find unusual spots to hide something a note, card, flower, a box of your spouse’s favorite candies.Tell your spouse what they mean to you in your cards or letters. Your words and actions once upon a time helped your spouse to fall in love with you. Help your spouse see that side of you again (or still). Get things/gifts that say to your partner “you matter“. You might also check out 7 ways to be kind in your marriage.
Foreplay For woman
That same gentleman had realized he had not given his wife gifts without expecting sexual favors in return. Women find it hard to feel wanted when their husbands only show affection only when he wants the physical act of sex? Women don’t feel like being intimate when a man is not willing to give of his time or effort around the house. Foreplay should start long before the physical part starts. Men help in the kitchen or with the kids or the house work? Because for women we get frustrated and angry if all we are is a tool to satisfy the male need for sex.Women also Find it hard to get in the mood when there is a lot of streesers. Women if you can show your spouse the benefits of giving of himself by helping you around the house. There is the nice things as well, like sending you a card in the mail ect. Help your husband see how smoothly the intimacy grows. If he can give of himself you both feel more desire for intimacy. According to Dave and Ashley Willis Ten Things Every Married Couple Needs to Know About Sex suggests:
- Make sex a priority
- Remember to Make foreplay an all day activity
- Partners need to openly discuss sexual desires
Men Can Change For the Good
One woman told me I was dreaming, men never change. My response to her statement was I can promise it is not a fairy tale. Men do change. Sometimes they change for the better and sometimes they change for the worse. We as wives are the ones who play a major role in how men change. Now there are the rare occasions when someone is really bad but those are rare. A negative attitude has a negative affect and the change is generally not good. Likewise a Positive attitude has a positive affect and the change is generally for the better. But as one very wise person said it is not just men who need to change it is women too. And it is often both who change if they have the best interests of their mate at heart and become truly one.
Better Intimacy Starts with Being Better Partners
Remember we often have expectations and so do our partners. We take things for granted and so do they. Men, find the little things you ignore or pass off as women’s work and do them. Women, notice when your husband has done something for you like gassing up the car, changing the tire, dealing with cranky kids, laundry, dinner, vacuuming. Notice and thank him for it. Women, don’t pick on how the work was done. Of course none of this works if you don’t talk, call, or text each other. I heard one expert say and (I don’t remember who it was) answer the phone when your partner calls or texts you. Using sex and intimacy as a punishment or as leverage to get something is not healthy. Sex should not be on only one spouses terms alone. Communication is what sex should be about. And when it is communication, that is love making. It should be the heart speaking to the heart. Sex with a partner who values each other is fabulous and energizing.
Don’t hide intimacy From Children
Your kids need to see you love each other. I am by no means saying to get kinky in front of them. But don’t be afraid of a bit of intimate kissing or touching. However when you have little ones it takes a bit more effort and intention to make sex happen. Some time that means waking up early just so you can have that one on one time with your partner before the day begins. My husband and I have an alarm that is just for us in the morning. It’s not for us to get up but for us to spend time cuddling, talking or more. The kids know if our bedroom door is closed they can’t talk to us unless it is life or death.
King Solomon Had it Figured out
In Song of Solomon the two lovers talked to each other, telling each other how they saw each other. Now I don’t pretend to know or understand what they say to each other or what they mean but that book is one steamy piece of work. I have no doubt that when that woman walked into a room where her lover / husband was she knew he saw her and know he found her beautiful. Don’t be shy. Tell your spouse how beautiful they are. Don’t make them compete with what society says it beautiful.
Would you Choose your spouse Today
When intimacy has taken a back seat to the everyday demands of life. And the question of your spouse choosing you all over again will become a fear point. It is a deep nagging question in the back of a woman’s mind and heart. And a man wants to know If he is respected or believed in. If what is does is good enough for her. And when your question is asked assess yourself on your spouses report card for you. Are you asking yourself “what am I doing to make my wife feel wanted and desired?” And wives ask yourself “Am I making my husband feel I believe in him or respect him?”
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