“This is not the way to Anaconda.” My husband said to me as I drove past second street that would have led to the highway. “I know” was my response as I drove kept driving. There was no plan of where to go when we jumped in the car with the kids but i had mentioned the fish hatchery in Anaconda to him. His voice had a hint of irritation in it. How often have you found yourself irritated with your spouse because they are not doing what you thought they should? Or Do you feel you have failed to connect in your communication?
Communication happens multilingual. Lol i don’t know how else to put it. Humans communicate via our words, our actions along with what we do with our body as we talk(body language). Also how the listener interprets what is said and the actions of our body (body language) as well as the how the listener interprets our treatment of them. There is a depth of caring that happens as well. There is so much more to it all I could not go into it all.
Often when we start having problems relating to our spouse we think it has something to do with communicating with our spouse. The thing is it is not about not communicating effectively with your spouse but not connecting or caring.
Day to Day
So often we get so busy during the day doing the daily tasks we forget to connect with our spouses. Or family members for that matter. Taking a mini vacation for the day was our way to connect with each other and our kids. Doing something both my husband and I had done with our families as kids. Taking a drive and enjoying a few places along the way.
Failure to connect with your spouse.
- Misunderstanding love – Most of us grow up with a distorted view of love. Believing it is a feeling. Also believing this feeling will grow with little effort on our part.
- Time – We often find things that take up our time. Often those things can be valuable or even for a great Cause. If they take time from our Spouse they are probably out of priority.
- Missing the connection – air your frustration. Taking or yelling at your spouse is not connecting. I have heard people say i can talk till i’m blue in the face but my spouse doesn’t listen. That exactly the problem they don’t FEEL it. They need to FEEL you it doesn’t matter to them.
- Giving yourself to another– This can happen without much thought or intention. Spending time with friends or confidantes. Sharing intimate details of your life with someone else. Work can be one way a spouse can be giving themselves to another. Putting more effort into their job rather than their spouse. This can even be through pornography.
Connecting with your spouse.
- Understanding love – Love is not a feeling. The word Love is a verb. This means Love is action. Love requires constant action from both parties.
- Time – Make sure there is nothing that take priority to your spouse and the time you spend with them.
- Communication / Connection – Communication and connecting are two different things. Communication is the imparting or exchanging of information or news. Connecting is joining or linking. I think of a wire that has been split. never speak negatively about your spouse or air your differences. Negative speaking does not inspire a connection. Respect and honor your spouse enough to deal with your problem privately.
- Make your Spouse priority– Intentionally give of yourself to your spouse. Sharing intimate details of your life with your spouse. Putting more effort into spouse rather than your job. Be intimate with your spouse.
The Marriage vows
In most weddings there is the vows contain the words “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, and to Honor, till death us do part.” It easy to say when feel that feeling that most associate with love. And all you see is the stars in the other person’s eyes and your heart does that funny pitter-patter thing and you breath catches in your throat.
A mini vacation with the kids in tow is not ideal for a couple who are in serious trouble. However, This is a rare moment for us. The whole family available for a whole weekend. We felt kinda lost. But we opted to take the kids to several things/sites around town. My husband and I got to watch as the kids explored each area and my husband and I reminisce about what it was like when we were kids. It was a date with kids in tow. It doesn’t mean it can work.
The worst, the poorer, the sickness and death all come. At some point it will come it is just a matter of how we deal with them. If you want to learn how to connect with your spouse again, you can subscribe to Mort Fertel’s FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get his FREE marriage assessment. Need Date night Ideas click here.
- The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages
- The Five Love Languages
- Rekindled: How to Keep the Warmth in Marriage
- The Love Dare