Marriage / Personal Growth

Seven Ways To Be Kind In Your Marriage

I remember it was not long in my marriage before I felt extremely disillusioned with my marriage and my husband. Directly after an extremely nasty disagreement, I started wondering if it was even worth my time or effort to do anything to maintain or heal my marriage. I had taken a drive and was considering what to do and to separate myself from the very person who I could not stand at the moment. I started asking myself some very important questions. After discussing with myself (and yes I do have conversations with myself in my head) what my values are and what I really wanted for myself and my life. I came to the conclusion along with a list of actionable steps I needed to take no matter how I felt about my husband. Every time. Here is Just some of those steps i put into action and continue to do even to this day. This is my Kindness list.  Kindness is defined as: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

How Can I Help? 

It is so hard to willingly give of your time or effort for those who are ungrateful. However when it comes to Marriage it is imperative to find things to do to help out your spouse, Don’t wait to be asked. Look for ways you can help and if you don’t see one find one or ask.  In Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 

That best portion of a good man’s life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.

William Wordsworth (1770 – 1850)

How Do you Want to be treated 

There are always people who rub us the wrong way or situations we would rather avoid. In Marriage it is easy to get annoyed with our spouse. To feel they do thing solely because it hurts. Even with the best of intentions a spouse can feel betrayed or mistreated so be sensitive to the feelings of your spouse.  Follow the advice of Luke 6:31(NIV) Do to others as you would have them do to you.

The end result of kindness is that it draws people to you.

Anita Roddick, A Revolution in Kindness, 2003

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

We often all beat ourselves up for the way we’ve handled things in the past. Don’t live with regret it makes us bitter and hinders kindness. Forgive yourself when you miss handle a situation and be willing to seek forgiveness as soon as you realize how you may have wronged your spouse. It is not easy to say i am sorry, however the sooner it is done the sooner healing can happen between you and your spouse. Matthew 6:15  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino (1923 – 1996), The Greatest Miracle in the World.

Forgive 

We all have someone we may have a hard time forgiving.  When that person we cant or wont forgive is a parent it is detrimental to your relationship with your spouse. Unforgiveness has a poisonous effect on those around us. Finding forgiveness for those who have hurt us and letting go can be healing for you and your spouse.   Psalm 19:12 But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.

Moments of kindness and reconciliation are worth having, even if the parting has to come sooner or later.

Alice Munro

Kill Them With Kindness

Proverbes 25: 21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. They say the ultimate act of compassion is to learn to love your enemies. And sometimes it is so easy to feel as if your spouse is your enemy. Find ways to serve your spouse. Sometimes it can be as simple as making them their favorite meal.  

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Aesop (620 BC – 560 BC), The Lion and the Mouse

Pay It Forward

This idea is very similar to the idea of helping however  with helping we assume we will get some sort of reward. In the idea of paying it forward the concept is with the idea of not receiving something in return for our efforts or our time. This idea of paying it forward was designed by God and thus we should follow suite. James 1:16-17: Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. Find a way to pay it forward towards your spouse or their family in doing this you will reap a reward just maybe not in a way you think it may come. 

To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue…[They are] gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.

Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC), The Confucian Analects

Wear a Smile

Our expression  has a lot to say about how we feel, our guilt, happiness, or sadness. Actually it say a lot more than we think is dose.  In the article do you inspire happiness we discussed the powerful a smile. Smile at your spouse they need it probably more often than you think. Isaiah 3:9  The expression of their faces bears witness against them, And they display their sin like Sodom; They do not even conceal it Woe to them! For they have brought evil on themselves.  

Getting money is not all a man’s business: to cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life.

Samuel Johnson (1709 – 1784)

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